The 7 Stages of Grief: What Are They and How Do I Handle Them?
Grief is a journey that varies immensely from one person to another, yet there are common threads that many of us experience.
There is a model known as the "7 Stages of Grief" that portrays a process by which people often navigate the emotions following a significant loss or tragedy. It is important to recognize that grief does not progress linearly and individuals may move through these stages in different orders or may revisit certain stages multiple times.
Stay Here is here to inform you on each stage, from shock and denial to eventual acceptance and hope, providing insights and strategies to help manage the profound and unique experience of a grieving person.
What are the Seven Stages of Grief
Each of these 7 stages of grief is what we are about to dive into and inform you so that you can educate and help others. There is no right or wrong way to process a loss but there are healthy ways to cope and move forward.
Our goal is to help you identify these various stages in the grieving process. We'll talk about each stage in detail, sharing how you might feel and provide you with coping strategies. This can also be used to help others as they go through their own grief process.
The 7 stages of grief are:
Shock and Denial
Pain and Guilt
Anger and Bargaining
Depression and Loneliness
Upward Turn
Acceptance and Hope
1 | Shock and Denial
Shock is typically the immediate reaction to loss and usually the first of the grief symptoms. It's the body's natural defense mechanism against the overwhelming rush of pain. During this stage, you may feel numb or find it hard to believe that the loss has actually happened.
What happens during this stage?
Denial follows as you may try to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It's a way to temporarily cope and make survival possible. The denial stage serves as a buffer to the hard reality, giving you time to gradually absorb the emotional pain and process the news of the loss. This can look like denying that the loss did not affect you.
You might catch yourself believing that life will soon return to what it was, denying the fact that things have changed permanently.
Coping with Shock and Denial
When dealing with shock and denial, it's essential to practice self-compassion and allow yourself to process the loss at your own pace. Acknowledge your feelings, even if they include disbelief and confusion, without judgment.
Coping with this stage often involves seeking support from loved ones or a mental health professional, talking about the loss openly, or keeping a journal to document your thoughts and feelings. It can also be helpful to maintain a daily routine, which can provide a sense of normalcy and stability during a time when everything else seems uncertain.
2 | Pain and Guilt
The second stage in the 7 stages of grief is characterized by feelings of distress and suffering that arise from the realization of the loss. This is pain and guilt.
What happens during this stage?
Pain is often accompanied by a sense of guilt, which might manifest from thoughts of what could have been done differently or the belief that more could have been done to prevent the loss.
During this stage, individuals may dwell on regrets or fixate on moments related to the loss. It’s common to feel guilty for things said or not said, actions taken or not taken. The important thing to remember is that pain and guilt are natural responses during the mourning process, and acknowledging these feelings is a key step towards the healing process.
Coping with Pain and Guilt
Some coping strategies include engaging in self-care activities, such as physical exercise, adequate rest, and healthy eating, this can help the body to manage stress and promote better emotional balance.
Secondly, expressing emotions rather than suppressing them is crucial—this could include crying, shouting, or other forms of emotional release in a safe environment. Seeking help from a mental health provider or joining a support group can also offer solace and understanding, as speaking with others who have had similar experiences may lessen the sense of isolation.
Lastly, forgiving oneself is a significant step in the healing process; understanding that we are all fallible and that hindsight gives us a perspective that was not available before the loss can be a foundation for forgiveness and eventual peace.
3 | Anger and Bargaining
Frustration gives way to anger as the third stage of grief. This anger is a natural response to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability, typically asking "Why me?"
What happens during this stage?
It's common to experience angry outbursts or sustained anger towards oneself, family members, others, God, or even the one who has passed away. The intense emotion of anger serves as an outlet for the accumulation of feelings that have been festering below the surface.
Bargaining often accompanies anger. It's a stage where you may catch yourself offering a trade, something of value, for a reversal of what's been lost or to alleviate your suffering in a desperate attempt to bring things back to the way they were. The bargaining stage symbolizes the struggle to find meaning, reach out for some semblance of control when every other part of you feels utterly powerless.
Coping with Anger and Bargaining
Navigating through anger and bargaining requires patience and self-acknowledgment. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment or avoidance.
Coping strategies include expressing anger through physical activity or creative outlets, talking to a trusted person or support groups, understanding the normalcy of the bargaining stage, journaling, practicing mindfulness and meditation, staying connected with support, and seeking a mental health professionals help if needed.
4 | Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
At this juncture in the grief journey, the magnitude of the loss settles deep into reality, often leading to a period of clinical depression, reflection, and loneliness. This stage is not a sign of mental illness but rather a natural part of the grieving process, manifesting an intense sadness from the understanding that the loss is irrevocable.
What happens during this stage?
This stage often involves considerable soul-searching and internal dialogue. You may find yourself reflecting on aspects of the loss and your life that you have never pondered before. Feelings of loneliness can emerge even when surrounded by others, as the absence of the departed creates a profound void.
During this stage, it's normal to withdraw from outside activities and seek solitude to process the loss. Grief can also mainfest symptoms such as fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, and body aches.
Coping with Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness
To navigate this stage, it's essential to understand that it's okay to give in to the grief and allow oneself to feel the full breadth of loss. Constructive support from friends, family, or a professional can be vital. Finding ways to express feelings through writing, art, or music can also be therapeutic.
In moments of loneliness, engaging in activities that make you feel connected to others, such as group hobbies or community service, may help bridge the gap between isolation and companionship. Taking the time for self-reflection can aid in personal growth and understanding, while always remembering that seeking professional help is a sign of strength—not weakness—in times of overwhelming sadness.
5 | The Upward Turn
As the turmoil of emotions starts to settle, the fifth grief stage in the 7 stages of grief is marked by a gradual return to a more stable and peaceful mindset. This stage is known as The Upward Turn, where the intensity of negative feelings begins to wane and life becomes more organized and calmer.
What happens during this stage?
During The Upward Turn, signs of recovery emerge as the heavy fog of grief lifts. You may notice periods of relief from the overwhelming sadness, and as you adapt to life without your loved one, daily tasks become less burdensome.
It is in this stage that you are likely to experience an improvement in sleep patterns, an increase in physical energy levels, and a more optimistic outlook towards the future. Although bouts of sadness might still occur, they become less frequent and intense. It is a period of readjustment and rebuilding as hope gradually rekindles.
Coping with The Upward Turn
Embracing this upward shift in the grief process involves allowing yourself to feel moments of contentment without guilt. It's a time to establish new routines and to set short-term goals as stepping stones to a rebuilding life.
Continuing to engage in self-care practices is crucial as these play a significant role in supporting this positive trajectory. Additionally, maintaining social connections and possibly seeking new interests or hobbies can aid in reinforcing a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
6 | Reconstruction and Working Through
The reconstruction and working through phase is characterized by the grieving taking more functional and active steps towards adjusting to life without their loved one.
What happens during this stage?
During this phase, those grieving begin to put back the pieces of their disrupted lives. They may start making more concrete decisions and plans for the future, acknowledging the reality of their loss but finding ways to move forward.
It often involves practical considerations, such as reorganizing daily routines, financial planning, and perhaps even exploring new roles or identities that arise from the change in their life circumstances.
It's a stage where the practical and the emotional intersect, as individuals work through integrating the loss into their lives, understanding that the pain might not completely disappear but can be managed and lived with more effectively.
Coping with Reconstruction and Working Through
The key to managing this stage is to acknowledge the progress made, and to recognize that reconstructing life's framework doesn't diminish the importance of the one who has passed. Taking small, intentional steps toward reclaiming a sense of control and normalcy can be empowering.
Seeking out the counsel of mentors, friends, or support groups who can provide guidance and perspective as you rebuild is also beneficial. This stage often involves a delicate balance of looking backward to honor the past and planning forward to embrace the future.
7 | Acceptance and Hope
The final stage in the grief process, acceptance and hope, signifies the acceptance of the reality of the loss and the gradual emergence of hope for the future. Acceptance does not mean the absence of pain or forgetting but rather an understanding that life has been irreversibly altered and finding a way to move forward.
What happens during this stage?
In this stage, the weight of grief doesn't disappear; instead, it becomes a part of the fabric of who you are, integrated into your experiences and outlook.
Acceptance often leads to a re-engagement with the social and professional activities of life, and a renewed capacity to find joy, love, and hope in living. It is the time when individuals start to look to the future while holding on to the precious memories of their loved one.
Coping with Acceptance and Hope
Coping with acceptance involves reaffirming life's worth and opening up to new possibilities. It is a stage marked by a renaissance of energy and drive, where you may find new interests or rediscover past passions that were overshadowed by grief. Hope might manifest in setting new goals or dreams, perhaps inspired by the legacy and memories of the loved one.
Allowing oneself to accept help and love from others is also a crucial part of this stage, as it reinforces the interconnectedness of human experiences and the support that is essential to healing. It's a period to celebrate the strength that has brought you through the tumultuous journey of grief while acknowledging that hope does not signal the end of grieving but rather the incorporation of loss into the narrative of life.
How Long Do the Grief Stages Last?
There is no set timeline for grief, and it's important to remember that everyone experiences grief differently and how they process all the emotions will differ. Some may progress through all the stages in a linear way, while others may move back and forth between them.
There is no way to tell how long the grieving process will last. Grief can take weeks, months, or even years, depending on factors such as the depth of the relationship, the circumstances of the loss, coping mechanisms, and support systems. It's crucial to give yourself the time you need to grieve without feeling pressured to "move on" based on societal expectations or timeframes.
Remember, grief is a process that can't be rushed. Be patient with yourself and show self-compassion as you navigate through each stage at your own pace.
Do these stages of grief happen in order?
While the concept of stages of grief provides a framework for understanding the complexities of mourning, it's not a strict progression that everyone will follow in order. The experience of grief is personal, and individuals may find themselves revisiting certain emotions and stages multiple times, or not experiencing some stages at all.
It is common for people to move through these experiences in different orders or to cycle back to previous stages on difficult days or triggered by specific events.
What is Prolonged Grief Disorder
Prolonged Grief Disorder, also known as complicated grief, opposed to normal grief, is a condition where an individual experiences an extended period of grief that disrupts their ability to function in everyday life.
This type of grief is characterized by intense longing, preoccupation with the loss of a loved one, and difficulty moving on, persisting for an atypically long time beyond what might be socially or culturally expected.
Symptoms outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM):
Intense longing or yearning for the deceased
Preoccupying thoughts or memories of the deceased
Identity disruption (e.g., feeling as though part of oneself has died)
Difficulty accepting the death
Avoidance of reminders of the loss or excessive proximity seeking to things that remind one of the deceased
A sense of meaninglessness regarding life without the deceased
Feeling stunned, dazed, or shocked by the loss for an extended period
To be diagnosed with Prolonged Grief Disorder according to the DSM, symptoms typically need to persist for at least twelve months for adults and at least six months for children following the loss.
Frequently Asked Questions On 7 Stages of Grief
What is the hardest stage of grief?
Many people find the second stage, 'pain and guilt', to be the most challenging as it confronts the excruciating emotional distress accompanied with loss. The same can be said about the fourth stage which is depression or loneliness. At the end of the day, each experience is unique and your hardest stage may be different than someone else's.
How do I know what stage of grief I am in?
Determining which stage of grief one is in involves self-reflection and awareness of one’s emotions and behavior. It is not always a clear-cut process, as grief manifests differently in everyone. One may consider the dominant feelings they are experiencing. If it’s shock or denial, they might be in the initial stages. Feelings of profound sadness or loss might indicate being in the stage of pain and guilt or depression. On the other hand, if a person finds themselves making plans for the future and starting to move forward with life, they could be in the upward turn or acceptance and hope stages.
What are the five stages of grief in order?
The five stages of grief are as follows: Denial, characterized by shock and disbelief; Anger, where intense emotion is directed outward; Bargaining, dwelling on what could have been done; Depression, involving the realization of the true extent of loss; and Acceptance, acknowledging the reality and learning to live with it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, navigating the seven stages of grief is a deeply personal and transformative journey, one that is as unique as the individual experiencing it. For those who find themselves seeking additional support and understanding through this complex process, groups like Stay Here play a vital role.
Stay Here offers a compassionate community for those in mourning, providing comfort and camaraderie in the face of loss. Stay Here stands as a beacon of hope, encouraging the remembrance that healing is possible, and that even in sorrow, we can still find strength in togetherness.
